Sunday, January 25, 2015

A random post about love...

23.04.2010

Love sucks. I mean... what do you really get out of loving someone? What good comes out of being in a relationship? Sharing each other's feelings? Giving support to your partner at the time of need? Give me a break! All those are just stupid excuses for what is the biggest joke in life. I agree, love gives you a few moments of happiness. But then, it gives you a lot more than happiness - anxiety, frustration, tension... and the occasional bit of violence as well. Love makes you dream. Makes you expect something from life. Something that is often unrealistic and impossible to get. And more often or not, those expectations are razed to the ground due to one reason or the other. And when that happens, the above mentioned by-products of happiness come into full effect.

Here's how a typical love story goes: Boy meets girl. They chat, get to know each other. A little spark is born in their hearts. They talk to each other more and more. A time comes when they feel they can't live without each other. They feel they were always meant to be together. Then.... things start to change. Little faults of one another begin to get noticed. They realize that whom they had imagined to be the greatest person on the planet turned out to be just another average human being, with his / her share of problems and weaknesses. That phase is the true test of their characters. If they pass, it's all well and good. But if they fail, then it's back to square one.

So, it would be best if you don't fall in love at all. There are better ways for a boy and a girl to be with each other. Here's how it should go - You meet a girl. She makes it clear that she doesn't  want to make a commitment. She is just lonely, eager for some company. You decide to give her that company. You make your intentions clear - there would be no love stuff, no long term commitments. You tell her that you both would pretend to be going out for whatever time you are together. And at the end of it, all you take back are the wonderful memories you shared together. Memories not to be tarnished by time.The perfect memories. There would be no expectations. No dreams. No promises made. No responsibilities. No worries for the future. The girl accepts. You chat, gossip for hours and hours. You go to amusement parks, have the best dinners in the classiest restaurants. You enjoy every moment you share together - take every moment as it comes. You wish that those moments would last forever.

But then after a couple of months, you suddenly realize that time's up. The day of your parting has come upon you. But you don't want it to end. You just want those days to go on and on. You have forgotten the fact that you two were never meant tobe together. You have forgotten the ground rules. She bids you farewell, turns around, and leaves. You stand there, looking at her. Counting her footsteps as she leaves. You are happy for the great times you shared together. Happy for the wonderful memories. But deep down inside you know that you're never going to be with her again. She is going away forever. Never to come back. Those moments are never to come back. And that makes you sad. You understand the only flaw in that kind of relationship - that the one memory of her going away is meant to shatter all the good memories of before. You stand there for hours, hoping that she just might return, even if it is for an instant. For you would die to get one more look at her. But she doesn't come back. She is gone.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Metalhead

metalhead
mɛt(ə)lhɛd/
noun
informal
A fan or performer of heavy metal music

There is a fair chance this word won’t be found in any of the prominent dictionaries. It is something which is known as an ‘Urban Expression’, meaning it is a jargon used by geeks to refer to a specific class of individuals. Metalheads may be from different genders, races, ages and regions of world; but are bound together by one commonality – their love for metal music.

When I utter the term ‘Metal’ in front of people not familiar with various genres of music, more often than not a question similar to this one is posed - “but how can you listen to iron?” I have to explain to them that the music has been so named because it is ‘hard’ or ‘strong’ in nature – a fundamental characteristic of most metallic substances. The reaction to this music is always extreme – either people love it, or they despise it. In Western countries, metal is seen as the music of the low-class society; the rich and sophisticated preferring a classier form of music. In India, it is adopted only by the higher-strata individuals; the majority population treating it as a curse of the white people. Like the music itself, the reaction to the music is always strong.

I got the chance to experience Western music at a very early age, courtesy my brother, an avid English pop music fan. My days used to start with Michael Jackson’s ‘Bad’ and end listening to Madonna’s ‘Papa Don’t Preach’. Michael Jackson and Madonna may be as far away from metal as a desert from rainfall, but they, directly or indirectly, were the catalysts that drove me to eventually discover the magic of metal music.

Pop wasn’t the only kind of music I had heard before I discovered metal. There was Indipop - symbolized in those days by Shweta Shetty and Alisha; Ghazals – pioneered by the likes of Jagjit Singh, Ghulam Ali and Pankaj Udhas; Daler Mehandi’s Punjabi Bhrangra, Nadeem-Shravan’s classic melodies and many more. Be it Blues or Jazz, Dance or Trance, Classical or Techno, I had the privilege to witness all types of music. I have to be honest and admit I liked most if not all of them, but as good as their music was it did not bring out that special feeling in me. They did not produce that high for the listener in me. It was then that I came across Rock.

Rock music was different from everything else that I had heard till that point in time. It brought about a freshness and novelty which amplified my hunger for good music. I instantly became a fan of Bryan Adams, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith and Roxette. Electric guitars were as much a treat to my ears as a loaf of bread is to the famished. And yet, I wasn’t satiated. The void in my soul remained unfulfilled. Rock seemed to be the thing that I almost wanted, but didn’t. Now as I look back, Rock, and each of the other genres of music appear to be a step in the ladder that elevated me higher and higher to ultimately discover the music that I love.

It happened shortly after I joined college. My brother had come to visit our home and had brought along some music CDs from his friends. Knowing him for his good taste in music, I was curious to find if there was anything I would like from his collection. One day, as I was searching through the albums, I came across a cover with a picture of a chair on a blue background, with the name of the artist printed at the top with a ghostly glow. I decided to give it a try. We didn’t use to have a CD player at that time, so I opened up the computer, and played one of the eight songs that were there in the album.

It is not easy to describe the sensations I felt then; but if I could use one word to express that emotion, it would be fear. Only when I learnt about the history of metal and the significance of terms such as tri-tone, chord of evil and dark music at a later point in time was I able to appreciate exactly why I experienced dread that day.

When the first song ended, I had to catch my breath for a little while before I could fully comprehend what had happened. The music was so unique to me, the experience so unusual. After I had settled down a bit, I listened to a different song from the same album – the music this time was similar, but a lot more sinister. My heart was pounding by the time the song ended; I knew I could not take any more that day. I ejected the disc, noting the name of the artist and the two songs – ‘Metallica’, ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’ and ‘Creeping Death’ in that order.

I made steady progress in my endeavors of listening to more metal in the next few days. I played the other songs in the album, then other albums, then albums of other bands. I streamed songs on the internet, read about the bands, researched more and more into the music. For the next year or so, I would listen only to metal and nothing else. I locked up my older audio cassettes, set the volume to mute whenever a Bollywood song came on television. Not a day went by when I didn’t bang my head to Lars Ulrich’s drums, not a moment passed without Kirk Hammett’s solos travelling across my mind. I was so immersed in the music, that I suffixed my new mail id with the name of Metallica’s lead vocalist. I did not need alcohol or drugs to get high. My music was always there for me. Whenever I felt down, I relied on metal to pull me through. It took listening to only a couple of Metallica’s songs to fill me with energy and enthusiasm. Metal was my dope. It was my cocaine.

I discovered different sub genres within metal starting with the conventional Heavy Metal of Iron Maiden, coming to Children of Bodom’s Power Metal, Cradle of Filth’s Black Metal, Slayer’s Thrash Metal; each one’s melody unique, yet connected by the ringing of electric guitars and percussions, head banging and devil horns. I learnt to play the guitar in XIMB just so that I could play my favorite riffs. I bought an electric guitar instead of an acoustic one, just because I wanted the heavier distorted sound. While the beginners were practicing the tune of ‘Tujhe Dekha Toh Yeh Jaana Sanam’, I was playing ‘Fade to Black’. When they were learning to play ‘Jadoo Teri Nazar’, I was jamming with ‘Fear of the Dark’. I had transformed into a Metalhead. I was destined to become one.

But not everything has been rosy in this journey. In addition to providing me with an abundance of soul-stirring experiences, metal has also presented me with my fair share of problems: the greatest being not able to position myself clearly in society with respect to the music.

It may seem strange, but in spite of there being thousands of Metalheads around the world I haven’t been able to find too many people that I could really connect with in the aspects of this kind of music. Those unfamiliar with the music have been quick to dismiss it as garbage. Hailing from a small town, almost all my school and college my friends had grown up listening to only one type of music - Bollywood. Their tastes had become so bland, their visions so narrow, that any music apart from the usual Sonu Nigam or Sunidhi Chauhan had seemed blasphemous to them. Realizing the fact that I was listening to this kind of noise and seeing that I was not on the verge of insanity were two major contradictory elements for them. At that time, a promising Pakistani band named ‘Call’ was rising up the ranks and a couple of their songs were being played on Indian television. While watching the video on television together, one of the guys said something on the lines of “Why is this on television? Who the hell listens to this shit?” This surpassed the threshold of my patience. I was quick to reply “A frog that hasn’t seen the sea doesn’t believe that anything bigger than its well exists in the world. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t’ mean that no one in the world does.” I had secured victory in a small battle. But the biggest of wars lay ahead.

This is just one end in the spectrum of people I have had to contend with, and these are the ones that have been easier to handle. On the other extreme lie a people of a different variety – the know-it-alls. These are those individuals that know very little of what metal is, and yet act like they are the greatest metal fans alive on the planet. I have seen many a guy call another person a rock star and address them with ‘Yo Yo’ (which is actually a phrase chanted in Rap music, not Rock). Then there are those who would upload pictures of them holding guitars on Facebook; their postures evidently suggesting they are touching the instruments for the first time in their lives.

Lastly, there are the archetypal Metalheads – long haired, drunk, sweaty, pumped up males that characterize what metal is all about – vigor, passion and aggression. I had the privilege to witness a whole army of such fanatics at the Metallica concert in Bangalore a few years back.  These were people drunk, an aura of cigarette smoke surrounding them, shouting obscenities at the top of their voices. There used to be a time when I considered them my role models. But times have changed.


I have understood that one need not smoke and be on drugs to be a Metalhead. Being a Metalhead is not about long hairs and tattoos. It is about passion. It is about enjoying the music. It is about believing you can make millions of people dance to a note on your guitar. It is about being strong. It is about showcasing to the world that you are strong and will not back down whatever life may throw at you. That is what metal does for me. That is why I continue to drown in the music even today. That is why I still dream of shredding solos on stage whenever I see a band performing live.